Moving On
by nebula2
Summary: Sequel to But Life Goes On. A year has passed since Pacey and Joey got married. Just when things seem to be looking up, another tradgedy leaves them and their friends rebuilding and redefining their lives.
1. Chapter 1

Jack's POV:

With a small smile on my face, I watched as my god daughter tried to get her spoon from her bowl to her mouth. Not only did most of the food fall off of the spoon but she also had trouble getting the spoon in her mouth. It was a feat that she had just started to try and master but I knew that trying to help her would only lead to her cries of frustration. She might only be one year old but she had a set of lungs on her and a stubborn streak that matched her Mom's. As stubborn as she was though, I knew it wouldn't be long before she gave up on the spoon and start using her hands.

Little Amy was such a joy to have aroung the apartment. She brighten the place up and these days that was a very special feat. I enjoyed having both her and Jen around the place and was dreading the moment I knew would eventually be coming. Jen's relationship with Dawson had flourished over the last year. The two couldn't have been happier even a country apart. It looked as if Jen and Dawson had finally gotten their timing right. I was just waiting for Jen to drop the word that she was heading to California, which was the last thing I wanted to hear especially given what had been going on around here the past week.

"At least someone can still smile around here."

Jen's weary voice cut through my thoughts. I looked up to see her standing in the doorway, looking just as weary as she had sounded.

"How can you not smile at that sight," I told her.

"I guess you have a point," Jen said looking from me to her daughter. I saw a small trace of a smile start to form on her face only to be replaced with the sadness again. "It just doesn't seem right to be smiling today."

"We didn't die Jen. We need to go on with our lives. Its what she would have wanted."

"Funny thing is, I just spent the last hour trying to convince Dawson of that and I still find it hard to believe it myself."

I stood up and crossed over to her. I held my arms out to her and she easily fell into them, resting her head on my chest. After all the comforting she had done today, I knew she needed a little herself whether she would admit to it or not.

"How is Dawson?" I asked her breaking the silence that had fallen over the kitchen.

"He's taking it hard. Even though it didn't work, she was a important part of his life for awhile. Its hard losing someone who meant that much to you. Have you talked to Pacey? He looked so sad at the funeral today. I haven't seen him that sad since A . . ." Jen let her voice die away.

"Since Andie's funeral," I finished for her, thinking of my sister. I still missed her and all her crazy ways. I missed her and I missed Tim but both of them would have never wanted me to stop living my life. They would want me to go on. To live my life to the fullest and knowing that was what gave me the strength to go on every morning. "I did try calling him," I admitted. "He wasn't home though. I did talk to Joey though, and it seems Pacey's method of dealing with everything is to throw himself into his work. He's at the Ice House."

"Well, I guess there are worse things he could be doing," Jen said.

The small clatter of a baby spoon hitting the kitchen floor, interruppted our conversation. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that Amy had given up not only with trying to use the spoon, but she had evidently had enough of eating altogether as she was now drawing designs on the high chair tray, using her food as fingerpaint.

"Guess, she's done," Jen said breaking away. She crossed over to the sink, got a clean cloth and washed off her duaghter's hands and face. Sitting the cloth on the tray, she picked Amy up out of her chair. "Have you had enough of that food?" Jen asked her daughter. She recieved a reply of baby chatter. "Look at the mess you made. Mama is going to have to clean that up now."

"I'll get it," I told her, smiling again. I couldn't help it. Walking over to the high chair, I picked up the cloth Jen had left there and started cleaning up the tray. Jen pulled out a chair and sat down with Amy in her lap.

"Any chance you tried calling Doug?"

I paused momentarily in my task. Her question took me by surprise but in reality it shouldn't have. This wasn't the first that she had mentioned my former lover since we had gone our seperate ways. Sometimes it was hard to believe that had been over a year ago. A year during which we exchanced civil pleasentries when our paths crossed. During which there wasn't a single day that I hadn't thought about him. Hadn't hoped the phone with ring, and Doug would be on the other end of the line wanting to give what we had another try.

He hadn't though. I was starting to think he never would. He had said he needed time and space to figure things out. A year had passed and apparently he had yet to figure things out. Why was I holding on?

"I thought about calling him but then I stopped myself. I'm not sure I'm the person he wants to hear from. I was going to talk to him at the funeral today but he disappeared so quick I never got a chance," I told her rinsing the dish rag out in the sink. "I think he's taken Gretchen's death the hardest of all of them."

"All the more reason for someone to try talking to him," Jen told me. I could feel her eyes on me. Staring at me. Waiting for my reply. I didn't know what to say though. "I'm going to go lay Amy dow for the night," Jen finally said standing up and walking out of the kitchen.

Needing something to do, I started washing some of the dirty dishes sitting on the sink. Once again I found my thoughts wandering to Doug.

He had looked so loss at the funeral. Kind of like he had after the attack on him last fall. And what I had told Jen had been true, I had planned on talking to him at the funeral but then after I had said my condolences to Pacey and then turned to talk to Doug, he had disappeared. There had been a time that I would've tried following him but I wasn't sure that was my place anymore.

Wiping off the last plate, I heard the doorbell ring.

"I got it," I heard Jen call.

Listening to her go to the door, I opened the cupboard to put the plate away.

"Doug!" I heard Jen exclaim. That was the last person I had expected to be at our door. "Come in," Jen said.

I put the dish cloth down and headed for the living room. Doug was walking into our apartment and Jen closing the door behind him when I entered. I could see that he had been crying and he still had that lost look on his face. In his arms he held little Mercy, Gretchen's daughter.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you two like this, but I didn't know where else to go," Doug said.

"You know you're always welcome here," I told him meaning every word. Although it was awkward I was glad to see him here. Glad he felt that he could come here.

"Doug have a seat," Jen said ushering him over to couch and sitting down next to him. "Can I hold her?" she asked holding her hands out for Mercy. Doug handed her over. "I thought your Mom would have her."

"That's what I'm out trying to avoid," Doug said as I sat down in the arm chair. "She's trying to get custody of Mercy. Ever since she found out that Gretchen was rapped and planning on having the baby eight months ago neither of my parents have wanted anything to do with her or the baby. They hadn't even seen their grandchild until yesterday and now she wants custody of Mercy."

"But you're the godfather. Gretchen had wanted you to . . ."

"I know and that's one promise I intend on keeping although lord knows I have no idea what I'm getting into. What do I know about raising a kid."

"You don't have to do it alone," I told him. "You've got friends and family that would be more than willing to help you out."

"I still can't believe this is happening. Its like a nightmare. Not even three weeks old and Mercy doesn't have a mother. She'll never know . . ." Doug's words broke off in tears.

I looked toward Jen who was sitting next to him. She indicated that I should comfort him using the baby in her arms as an excuse. With a sigh I moved off the chair and knelt down in front of Doug.

"It's going to be okay," I said softly to him putting my arms around him. I was expecting him to resist. Instead he fell into my arms. I held him tighter wishing this were happening under different circumstances. That he was in my arms because he wanted us to be together again not because he was grieving for his sister


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Here's chapter two. Hope you enjoy it! Special thanks to my four reviewers. You guys rock!_

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_Doug's POV:_

_As soon as I saw the accident I knew I was going to need more units on the scene to try sorting things out. Calling in reinforcements, I got out of my car and headed toward the scene. There were six vehicles involved. I saw two people slowly getting out of one of the cars. I hurried over to them._

"_Are you two okay?"_

_They both nodded, clearly in shock from what had happened. I helped them both over to the grassy area on the side of the road._

"_Is there anyone else in there?" I asked the guy._

"_No. It was just the two of us," he told me._

"_Okay, the paramedics are on the way. Just sit there until they get here," I told them standing up and turning back to the accident scene. It was then that I noticed the familiar car. I hurried over hoping I was wrong. Hoping that it was just a car that looked like Gretchen's._

_I heard the baby's cries before I even reached the car. Not long after that the light from my flashlight fell on the still form of my sister in the back seat. Glancing in the back window I checked on her newborn daughter. Mercy was still in her car seat crying. The crying was a good thing. I figured the best thing I could do was leave her in the car seat until the paramedics got there._

_I tried the driver's door. After a little pulling I finally got it open._

"_Gretchen can you hear me?" I asked kneeling down next to the car. I reached out to look for a pulse. I found one but it was weak. _

"_Doug?" I heard her say softly as her eyes fluttered open._

"_Yeah I'm right here," I told gently taking one of her hands in mine. I didn't see any injuries but that didn't mean there weren't internal ones._

"_Mercy?"_

"_She's fine. A little unhappy but fine," I reassured her._

"_You'll look after her right. Raise her. I don't want her growing up like we did. I want her to know love."_

"_You're going to get through this Gretchen. She'll know your love."_

"_I don't think so Doug. Please promise me. I know when you originally agreed to it you didn't think it would be this soon. Promise me."_

"_I promise Gretchen," I told her as I heard the paramedics arrive. I moved out of the way to let them in. Turning around I found my friend Ted standing there. He reached out and put a hand on my shoulder._

"_I got this," he told me._

I sat up with a gasp and threw the blanket that was covering me up to the floor. Looking around, I tried to figure out where I was. It didn't take me long to recognize Jack's apartment despite the fact that I hadn't been there in quite awhile. I must have fallen asleep.

"Are you okay?" I heard Jack ask. Looking toward the sound of his voice I found him sitting in an arm chair.

"Yeah. Just a bad dream. Where's Mercy?" I asked wiping sleep out of my eyes. It had been a long last few days with little sleep. Hell, this was probably the best sleep I'd had since the accident.

"Sleeping. We got Amy's old basinet out for her," Jack said nodding toward the wall. Looking over there I saw the basinet.

"I'm sorry Jack. I never should have come over here like this."

"Doug its fine."

"Fine. How can you say that. I have barely even talked to you since I broke up with you and then I show up on your doorsteps a year later with my problems. No this was a bad idea. I'll just get Mercy and be leaving," I told him standing up.

"Doug relax its fine," Jack said grabbing a hold of my arm. I turned around to see a look of sympathy on his face. "I know what its like to lose a sibling so I know what your going through. Believe me I wanted to call you quite a few times since I heard about the accident but I was afraid you wouldn't want to talk to me. Given what we've been through, I'm glad you still felt you could come over here."

"Jack I don't want you getting the wrong idea," I told him not wanting to hurt him but knowing I had to say this now before things got out of hand. I wasn't up to starting a relationship with him or anyone else. Not right now. Not when once again I was forced to put my life back together.

I had given the last nine months of my life to looking out for Gretchen. When she had gotten rapped by the guy she was seeing she had called me. I still remember every tearful word she had said during that conversation, asking me for guidance and support. Coming so soon after my own ordeal involving a betrayal of one of my closest friends, I could empathize with what she was going through. We ended up sharing our feelings about what had happened to us with each other. She had helped me deal with my own mixed feelings as much as I had helped her.

When she had found out she was pregnant I had again been the one she called to be a sounding board for her. Then when she decided to keep the baby, once again she ended up leaning on me. Our parents wanted nothing to do with it, feeling she should have an abortion due to the nature of the pregnancy. Amber and Kerry wouldn't talk to her either.

Gretchen had moved in with me, Pacey and Joey having gotten their own place. Pacey and Joey had both been great about helping out but in the end, I was the one Gretchen relied on for both emotional and physical support.

"I'm not ready for any kind of relationship. Not now. Too much has happened. There are too many changes that I've already got to sort out."

"You don't have to go through this alone though Doug," Jack told me. "Look, I can understand not wanting to get involved in a relationship but that doesn't mean we can't be friends. I've missed you Doug and I've come to the realization that I'd rather you in my life as a friend than to not have you in my life at all. I want to help you through this."

Jack's words touched me and echoed my own feelings. I knew I couldn't get involved in a relationship at this point in my life and give to it what it needed to succeed but I had missed Jack over the last year. Missed having him to talk to. The unwavering support he was always ready to give.

"What do you say, friends?" Jack asked extending his hand to me.

"Friends," I said taking his hand a small smile coming to my face. It felt weird. I couldn't remember the last time I had smiled.

"Great," Jack said seeming just a little uncomfortable all of a sudden but hiding it quickly. "And as your friend I'm not letting you leave at two o'clock in the morning. If you want you can have my room and I'll sleep . . ."

"The couch will be fine," I told him, interrupting him.

"Okay then," Jack said. "I'll see you in the morning," he said heading toward his room.

As Jack disappeared into his room, I sat down on the couch and ran my hands through my hair. I thought the nightmare was over but it seemed as if things were just beginning. It seemed like I would get through one thing and something else would come my way.

I knew I wouldn't be able to avoid my mother forever. That was just one of the many inevitable things that I would have to face. Never mind that telling them I was gay had put me on the outs with my father and then my support of Gretchen hadn't helped my relationship with my either of them much. Now it looked like I was going to fighting a custody battle with them, something I knew could get ugly.

With a sigh I laid back on the couch wishing morning would never come.

Joey's POV:

The sound of a key in the lock woke me up. I sat up on the couch, rubbing the knot that had formed from the awkward position I had fallen asleep in. The front door opened and a very tired Pacey walked through. I glanced at the clock. It was nine o'clock in the morning.

"Did you sleep there all night?" he asked looking surprised

"I must have fallen asleep waiting for you to come home, I replied.

"Sorry," Pacey said. "I was doing book work and I must have fallen asleep myself because my cell phone ringing at seven this morning woke me up."

"And you've been where for the last two hours."

"Looking for Doug. My Mom woke me up at seven asking if I heard from him at all as he hasn't been returning her calls. She only sounded more worried when I told her I hadn't and I promised to stop by his place and see if he was there. Well he wasn't, nor is he answering my calls. I spent the rest of the time looking in places I thought he might be," Pacey told me as he flopped down on the couch next to me.

Sliding closer to him, I wrapped my arms around him. As angry as I had been at him while waiting for him to come home last night, now that he was here, I couldn't stay angry with him. I knew he was hurting. Grieving the loss of his sister.

"Any luck?"

Pacey shook his head. I could tell he was worried. It wasn't like Doug to be avoiding everyone's phone calls and he hadn't been doing well yesterday at the funeral. Then there was Mrs. Witter trying to get custody of Mercy. I had a hard time understanding my in-laws at times. Gretchen had wanted Doug to look after Mercy. Why couldn't she just accept that?

Pacey's cell phone rang. He absently took it out of his pocket and glanced at it. Seeing the name he sat up on the edge of the couch and answered it.

"Doug! Where have you been? Are you okay?" Pacey asked. I sat there quietly while he listened to Doug's answer wishing I wasn't in the dark. "You can't keep avoiding her you know," he told Doug after a few minutes, probably talking about there mother. "I never said you should. You know I'm on your side. Its just the longer you avoid her the harder this is going to be on everyone."

Pacey was silent for a little while, apparently listening to Doug. I sat quietly, my hand resting on my husband's shoulder. I knew he'd fill me in on what was going on when the conversation was over.

"Yeah. I'll go with you. When do you want to go?" Pacey asked and the paused. "That's fine. I'll come pick you up. See you later Doug," Pacey said hanging the phone up and sitting it down on the coffee table.

Slipping behind him, I started massaging his shoulders. His muscles were extremely tense.

"That feels good," he told me. "Doug and I are going over to our parents house this afternoon. We're going to try and get her to drop all this because Doug isn't giving up custody of Mercy even if he has to go to court for her."

"Where was he last night?"

"Jack's place believe it or not. They're going to keep Mercy while we go over there."

I was as surprised as he sounded. Doug hadn't said much to Jack since the two had broken up.

"Want some breakfast," I asked him, still massaging his shoulders.

"Food does sound good," Pacey replied.

"I'll go get it started," I told him easing out from behind him.

"While you do that, I think I'm going to get out of these clothes and take a shower," he told me. Pacey was still dressed in the suit he had worn at his sister's funeral the afternoon before.

I headed to the kitchen while Pacey headed upstairs. I decided to make him hash browns and eggs, which was his favorite breakfast. Before long I could hear the water start running upstairs.

I still didn't know when I was going to tell him my news. The time just didn't seem right although it was happy news and with everything that was going on, we needed some goods news. Still, I wanted Pacey to be excited about it and with the task he now had waiting for him this afternoon I didn't think that was very likely.

I was sitting the plate with his breakfast on it at the table, when Pacey came back downstairs.

"That smells good," he said sitting down as I walked over to the table with the coffee pot. I filled his cup and put the coffee pot back before sitting down at the table. "Aren't you eating."

"I'm not hungry right now," I told him which wasn't a total lie. I was hungry but I doubted I could keep it down. Just the smell of his breakfast was making my stomach a little queasy.

I walked up the steps to Jen and Jack's apartment. Pacey and Doug had already headed out to their parents place. I so hoped they would work things out today. That Mercy's future didn't end up turning into a long drawn out court battle.

Reaching the door of their apartment I knocked and waited for an answer. It wasn't long before Jen was opening the door.

"Joey, come on in," Jen said surprised but happy to see me.

I stepped inside the apartment. It was strangely quiet, which considering there should have been four other people, including a one and a half year old and a newborn, quiet was the last thing I expected.

"Jack and Dawson went out for a walk," Jen said answering my unasked question. "They took Amy and Mercy with them. I'm glad that you stopped by. The apartment was getting a little too quiet for my liking anyhow," Jen said heading toward the couch. She sat down and patted the cushion next to her.

"That's one of the reason's I came over. My place was a little to quiet too and no matter how much I tried to stop thinking about it, I kept thinking about what Pacey and Doug are going to do. Enough bad stuff has happened to that family lately. I just wish all this was over with so they can start moving on."

"I know what you mean," Jen said. " Doug looked so loss when he showed up here last night. I just hope he doesn't shut everyone out and try dealing with this himself like he did after his attack."

"We just can't let him, no matter what," I told her remembering what the months following Pacey and my wedding had been like.

Sure we had convinced him not to resign as Sheriff, but he had become more withdrawn than he had been, and I never would have describe Doug as open. He had broken up with Jack and then when he went back to work, had devoted all his waking hours to the job. Ted had showed up at the house quite a few times, worried about him. Pacey attempt to reach him had only ended in arguments. Pacey and I had put off finding a place of our own out of fear what Doug might do if left alone.

Two months after our wedding though, the place we had opened up. It had been such a great deal and perfect for the two of us that we knew we couldn't pass the deal up. A month later, Doug helped us moved in to our own place. He looked a little sad to have us leave but he was also happy for us. For the first time since the attack, it felt like he wasn't dwelling on that so much as he helped us get our new home set up.

Once Pace and I got settled though, Doug's melancholy had seemed to reappear. I loss track of the times Pacey had come home upset because either Doug had managed to avoid him altogether or he had gotten into an argument with him. When Gretchen had gotten raped I could see the fear in my husband's eyes and it wasn't just because of what had happened to his sister. I knew Pace was afraid that Gretchen's rape might just be what pushed Doug over the edge. I shared his fear.

Instead though, helping his sister finally gave Doug something other than himself to dwell on. He was finally able to move pass the attack on himself as he helped his sister move on with her life. He had been there for Gretchen through every step of her pregnancy. Had promised her that he be there for her and Mercy for as long as they needed him. Now he had loss Gretchen. I didn't know who to feel worse for, Doug or Pacey, who I knew had felt closer to Gretchen than any of his siblings.

"Joey?" Jen said questionably.

I shook myself out of my thoughts to see her looking at me with concern.

"I'm sorry. Just thinking," I told her smiling.

"So what's the other reason you came over here?"

"What?"

"You said the quiet was one thing that brought you over. What's the other?"

"Jen you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you."

"Okay. What is it?"

"I'm pregnant."

"What? When did you find out? Does Pacey know yet?"

"I took a home test a week ago. I got results back from my doctor the day before Gretchen's funeral and no Pacey doesn't know yet."

"You've got to tell him Joey. He's going to be so happy."

"I know. I just don't feel like it's the right time. I mean he just said good-bye to his sister yesterday and today there's all this drama about custody of his niece."

"All the more reason to give him some good news."

"It just seems be wrong to be happy given the circumstances," I said starting to cry. I felt Jen put her arms around me.

"Gretchen wants us to be happy. To go on living. Its not wrong to be happy," Jen said softly as she held me while I cried. Cried for my sister-in-law and friend for the first time. I had been so busy being strong for Pacey that I hadn't let myself grieve myself.

The tears felt right. Cleansing some how. Like everything that had been building up inside me was slipping away. That a huge weight was being lifted from my shoulders.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Hey everyone, I know it's been awhile since this was updated. Sorry about that, I got frustrated with it and took a break from it. I'm not sure how fast updates will be as I have some other stories in progress too but I'll try not to stay away from this one this long again as long as I know I have people out there reading it, so please give me feed back to keep me going!

sethgrl21 - thanks for the review! Hope you're still interested in reading the story

meijkej - yeah, this definitely isn't one of my more cheerful stories but then its prequel didn't end on a completely happy note either. Hope you enjoy the update.

Jill - hope you're still looking for the update. I do plan on finishing the story I just can't say how long it will take me.

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Doug's POV:

Pacey had insisted on driving and as we headed out to our parents place I was glad he had. My head was just a jumble of thoughts. Of contradictions. Of Gretchen's last words pleading with me to look after her newborn daughter. Definitely not the state of mind I should be driving in.

I watched the passing scenery not able to shake this feeling of dread that had fallen over me. This visit wasn't going to go well. Deep down I knew that. I also knew I couldn't keep putting it off. Keep running from my mother. Sooner or later I had to face it and for once my little brother was right, the sooner I faced it the better it would be for everyone. It would be better to get the question of Mercy's guardian settled so that everyone could figure out how to move on with our lives. Of course, depending on how things went to day, that question could still take quite awhile to settle.

Would my mother actually force me to take this battle to court? One thing was for sure, I wasn't giving up custody of Mercy willingly. If she refused to see that I was capable of raising my niece and goddaughter, then I would do whatever I had to do.

"Doug." Pacey's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked over at him. "We're here," he told me.

I looked around. Sure enough we were parked in front of my parent's house. The house that my brother and sisters and I had grown up in. The house where the word love was most of the time a foreign word. It wasn't that our parents didn't care about us, I truly believed they did. Showing that love however, had never been there strong suit, especially my Dad.

"Let's get this over with," I said reaching out and opening the passenger side door to the car. On the other side, Pacey followed suit.

I walked slowly toward the house. Since moving out at the age of nineteen, I have to say that going "home" had never been one of my favorite things to do. However, I had never dreaded it as much as I did this time. I took the three porch steps slowly, wishing there were more, and rang the front doorbell. Pacey was standing right beside me, and words couldn't express how thankful I was for his support.

The front door open and I found myself standing face to face with my father.

"Doug, your mother has been worried sick about you. Where have you been?"

"Thinking," I told him purposely not mentioning that I ended up over at Jack's. Dad had never fully respected my relationship and bringing my former lover up would only make this situation worse. "I need to talk to Mom."

"John, who's at the door?" I heard my mother call from inside the house.

"Doug and Pacey," my father replied, stepping aside so that Pacey and I could step inside. "Doug wants to talk to you."

"Good, maybe he's finally come to his senses," I heard my mother say as she came out of the kitchen. "Where's Mercy?"

"Jen's watching her," I replied as the four of us headed into the living room. I was trying to figure out a tactful way to bring the subject of custody of Mercy. I couldn't think of any way especially not after her earlier comment. I knew what she had meant by coming to my senses. She wanted me to turn over custody of Mercy to her without a fight. I figured coming right out and saying it and getting it out was the best course of action. "Mom, I'm not giving up custody of Mercy," I told her as we sat down.

"Doug you need to stop being selfish and think about what is best for Mercy."

"I am thinking about Mercy, Mom and about what Gretchen wanted. Gretchen wanted me to raise Mercy. Not you or Dad or anyone else. Me. I promised her Mom and I intend to do just that."

"Gretchen just did that out of spite. She wanted to punish us for not helping her ruin her life."

"How was having a child ruining her life? Gretchen knew exactly what she was getting into. Was ready to be a mom. All she asked from you and Dad was a little love and understanding and you couldn't even give her that. You turned your back on her and Mercy before Mercy was even born."

I could tell the words hurt, but I didn't want to take them back. They were the truth and Mom was just going to have to face that.

"Don't talk to your mother like that. After all we've done for you kids."

"What, like dropping Pacey on my doorstep when he was sixteen," I shot back at him. "How do I know you won't do that to Mercy if she doesn't do exactly what you want her to do."

"What makes you think you'er even fit to raise a child," Dad shot back at me. "Your lifestyle isn't natural Doug, and its no environment to raise a child in."

"My sexual orientation has nothing to do with my ability to raise a child," I shot back at him, my voice rising. I should have known my father would bring that into this conversation. A conversation that was quickly deteriorating into an exchange of insults.

"And what about when you're at work," my Mom said calmly, evidently trying to add a little bit of rationality and civility back into the conversation. "What are you going to do with Mercy then?"

"Joey and I will help out," Pacey said speaking up for the first time since we had arrived. I had been about to say I would work something out. I looked over at my brother. He hadn't said anything to earlier about helping out, not that I wouldn't be grateful for the help. "That's the nice thing about running your own business - you can make your own schedule."

"And if Doug gets hurt on the job and can't take care of Mercy for awhile, you going to look after her then, too?" Dad said glaring at Pacey.

"After all he's done for me, it's the least I could do for him. For Gretchen," Pacey shot back staring directly at Dad. Holding eye contact with him until my Dad finally looked away.

"Doug, I just don't think you're ready for a newborn in your life. Babies change a lot of things. They're a lot of responsibility."

"So now you don't think I'm responsible enough to raise a child," I said my voice rising. "I've been on my own since I was nineteen, and I haven't one asked you and Dad for anything since I moved out. I've lost count of how many times I've given Kerry money when she needed it for something. I had to look after my sixteen year old brother when you guys kicked him out and I was there for Gretchen after she was raped and through every step of her pregnancy and even Mercy's birth so don't talk to me about responsibility," I told her standing up. "I'm not giving up custody of Mercy. I know she's going to change my life in ways I don't even know yet, but she's my god daughter and I'm going to do the best possible job I can in raising her."

"Then I suggest you find yourself a lawyer," my father told me standing up.

"You really want to take this to court," I said in disbelief.

"You won't see reason," Dad told me. "I don't see that there is any other way. Our lawyer will be in touch with you. I believe you know your way out."

"That I do," I told him turning and heading toward the front door. I was so mad. I couldn't believe that my own parents would actually take me to court for custody of my niece. Didn't they even care what Gretchen had wanted. Couldn't they be happy just being their granddaughter's grand parents.

I didn't even glance behind me to make sure Pacey was following me, I just wanted out of this house. I'd wait for him by the car. It wasn't as if I could actually go anywhere else anywhere, as my little brother had the keys.

I reached the front door and stormed outside, slamming the screen door behind me.

Pacey's POV:

I stood up as I heard the front door slam as Doug left the house. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I never thought my parents would take this custody thing this far.

I looked over at my Mom, still sitting on the couch. She looked like she was near tears. I wasn't sure this was how she wanted this situation to turn out either. My gaze drifted from her to my father, who still stood there with a smug look on his face.

"Your despicable," I told him vehemently.

"Pacey," my Mom said imploringly from where she was sitting.

"I'm sorry Mom, but I can't keep quiet. Not this time," I told her my eyes not leaving my father. I didn't want to hurt her any more but wanting to let my father know exactly what I thought about him. "You've got a lot of nerve saying that Mercy would be better off away from Doug. You haven't seen him with her. Haven't seen the way his eyes light up when he looks at her. The absolute joy on his face when she was born, which by the way I will remind you, you didn't even bothering showing up at the hospital for."

"It takes more than that to be a good father, Pacey. What kind of role model will he be for her."

"A great one," I told him. "Doug will show her how to love. How to put others before herself."

"She'll be ridiculed for having a gay parent."

"Yeah, she might have to face that," I admitted, "but she won't face it alone. She'll have plenty of people to support her. To show her unconditional love, something that you have no clue what it is," I told him heading toward the door myself.

When I reached the doorway of the living room, I turned back to face him.

"I'll give you one more reason how I know Doug will make a great father for Mercy. I know from experience. Doug has been more of a father figure to me these last ten years than you ever were."

I didn't wait to see any reaction from him. Didn't give him a chance to reply as I turned and marched to the front door. Yanking it open, I left my childhood home. I never wanted to step foot in there again.

Doug was waiting for me in the car. He was sitting in the passenger seat, staring straight ahead, no expression on his face. I knew he was feeling angry and hurt. Probably a little scared. No one wanted to be facing a court battle, let alone one with your own parents.

Right now, Doug had custody of Mercy. That was what Gretchen had wanted. Our parents had the next move. If they wanted custody of Mercy, they were going to have to sue Doug for it. Would they really go through with the threat or had they been hoping that the threat of a court battle would make Doug cave in? I wasn't sure. Only time would answer that question.

Reaching the car, I opened the door and climbed behind the wheel.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Just drive, Pace," Doug replied softly, still staring straight ahead.

I sighed and put my seatbelt on. With a turn of the key, the car came to life. I backed carefully out of our parent's driveway and headed down the road back toward town. I desperately tried to think of something to say. Something to make him feel better. Nothing seemed adequate though.

"I meant what I said in there about helping out with Mercy. Anything you need, I'm here for you," I finally said after about five minutes of silence.

"Thanks Pace, but if they have their way it might not matter."

"Doug, I can't see them going through with it."

"And if they do Pace? A judge could very well share Dad's view, that I'm not a fit role model for a child because of my sexual orientation," Doug replied. There was a slight pause but before I could say anything Doug was talking again. "Hell, maybe he's right."

"No Doug. He's not. Gretchen knew you would be a good person to raise her daughter. That's why she asked you in the first place. Mom and Dad are just upset because they loss their daughter when they weren't on good terms with her. They think that having Mercy will give them a piece of Gretchen back. They're the ones who are being selfish. Who aren't putting Mercy first, not you and don't let them convince you otherwise."

"Its just that this family has been through so much already. Maybe I should just . . ."

"Don't even finish that sentence," I said I little more harshly than I meant to. I glanced over at him to see him looking in my direction. "You've always put all of us before yourself," I told him. "Have gone out of your way to do stuff to make us happy. Do what you want to do for once and I know giving up Mercy isn't what you want to do. That little girl had you wrapped around her little finger the moment she was born. I've seen it in your eyes, so don't bother to deny it."

I waited for Doug to say something. To at least tell me that I was crazy like he normally did. He didn't say a word though. I chanced a glance at him. He was staring out the window, a thoughtful look on his face.

For once in my life, I resisted the urge to put my foot into my mouth. I wasn't sure what Doug was thinking at that moment. Wasn't sure that I would ever know but somehow I just knew, this wasn't the time for idle chatter. Somehow I had managed to say something that Doug deemed important enough to actually think about. That was something that didn't happen too often.

The rest of the drive to Jack's apartment was silent. I pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex and parked the door. Without a word between us, the two of us headed up to the apartment.

Reaching the apartment, Doug reached out and rang the doorbell. It wasn't long before Jack was opening the door.

"Doug, Pacey come on in," Jack said stepping aside so that we could step into the apartment.

"Hi guys," Dawson said as we walked inside. He was sitting on the couch next to Jen. Amy was sitting on the floor with some of her toys.

I wasn't sure why it surprised me to see Dawson still here. I had known he would come out for Gretchen's funeral. Although it hadn't worked out, I knew he and Gretchen had still been friends. Had still cared for each other, much like I had still cared about Andie even after I was with Joey.

I also knew that things were serious between him and Jen. Much like Joey and myself, it looked like Jen and Dawson had gotten their relationship right this time. Jen was even moving out to California to be with Dawson in a couple of months. It only made sense that he would spend some time with her while he was on the east coast.

"Hey Dawson," Doug and I both replied.

"Mercy is asleep," Jack told us as we came into the apartment. "I'll go get her. I'm sure you'll want to be getting home."

"I'll come with you," Doug said, following Jack as he headed toward his bedroom. That left me alone with Jen and Dawson.

"How did things go?" Dawson asked me.

"Not well," I told him walking over to an armchair and perching on the arm. "It doesn't appear that my parents are going to just let this go. Dad told Doug he'd be hearing from his lawyer."

"Damn," Dawson said.

"Is he going to be okay?" Jen asked nodding toward the bedroom. I knew she was talking about Doug.

"I sure hope so," I told her. "Doug's always tried to please our parents, especially our father. I know this isn't going to be easy on him but I also don't see him caving and giving up custody of Mercy."

"He can't do that! It would be a mistake," Dawson said.

"I know that and so does he. Still a court battle is going to be stressful especially considering the accident," I replied. "Maybe we'll get lucky and they won't go through with it. I should probably get going. I want to stop by the restaurant and check on things before heading home and Joey's already upset that I fell asleep at the Ice House last night."

I said good-bye to my friends and headed down to my car. I glanced at Doug's truck parked near mine. No matter what happened, I knew I couldn't let him shut me out of this. He was going to need our support whether he wanted it or not.


	4. Chapter 4

paceysmermaid - thanks for the last review. Hopefully it won't take almost a year for the next update.

Jill Cohen - No, Joey won't have a miscarriage, that I can promise. Need something cheerful in this story!

Kimmers - glad you like the story and I hope you're still interested in reading the rest of it.

* * *

**Doug's POV:**

Gently, I laid Mercy down in her crib and pulled the blanket up over her. She looked absolutely peaceful. What I wouldn't give to feel exactly like this. To be completely oblivious to the drama that had suddenly become my life.

With a sigh, I turned on the baby monitor and left the room. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of ice tea, grabbed the other monitor off of the counter, and headed for the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I sat everything down on the coffee table and then rested back against the couch. I had a lot of things to figure out.

I glanced over at the end table. Gretchen's highschool graduation picture stared back at me. Reaching over I picked it up.

Part of me still didn't want to believe that she was gone. My baby sister had always been so full of life. Had always tried to see the good in everything that happened even after she had been raped. Sure, the incident had upset her. She had confided in me one time how violated the attack had made her feel. How vulnerable. Feelings that I could definitely empathize with after my own attack. Still, she refused to let even that keep her down for long. Before I knew it, she was finding positive things that were coming from it. She had said plenty of times that Mercy was the best thing that had come from it.

I thought of my little niece, sleeping peacefully upstairs. She was a sweet little girl. It was a shame that she would never get to meet her mother but I was determined that she would know what she was like. Know how much her mother loved life. Loved her. To do that though, first I had to win the looming custody battle.

I sat up and placed the picture back on the end table. Then I grabbed a notebook and a pen that were sitting on the coffee table. If my parents really did sue me for custody of Mercy then I was going to have to be ready to prove I was a fit parent. That I could care for her.

What would the judge scrutinize? I had no doubt that my sexual orientation would come into this whole thing at some point. There wasn't much I could do about that though. It was part of who I was and couldn't be changed no matter how much I tried to deny it or tried to hide it. I had spent years trying to do both and the only thing it had gotten me was being miserable. Granted, coming out hadn't exactly solved everything but my relationship with Jack had been the one time in my life that I was truly happy. If I was ever going be happy again, to have a healthy relationship with someone else, then I couldn't go denying that part of myself. If it came up in the custody battle then I would just have to prove to the judge that my sexual orientation had nothing to do with my ability to raise a child. At least I had the fact that Gretchen had wanted me to take care of Mercy in a situation like that. That was at least one thing in my favor.

_What else might they look at? _ I mused, tapping the pen on the notebook. Finances. They would probably want to make sure that I could provide for Mercy. I stopped tapping the pen and started writing down notes. I already had a house that was almost paid off. My job as sheriff would easily provide for day to day things. What about the future though? I had a sizable savings account already set aside. That was another mark in my favor. I could easily set aside some of it to start a college fund for my niece and add to it out of every paycheck. I flipped a page and wrote Things To Do at the top of the page. The very first thing I put on the list was to talk to the bank about setting up the college fund.

Dad had mentioned having someone to look out for Mercy while I was at work as well as bringing up a very good point - what would happen if I got hurt on the job? Being a cop was not a safe job. Something could happen very easily. What would become of Mercy then? The next thing I wrote on the list was to talk to people about helping me look after Mercy. I then flipped to the next page and started listing people who I could ask for help. Pacey had said he would be willing to help out though I knew with him running the restaurant, it would be Joey looking after Mercy the most. I'd want to touch base with her to see how much help she would be able to give me. Bessie and I had been friends for years I'm sure she would be willing to give me a hand.

My first priority was to find people to watch Mercy while I was at work. A regular day care wouldn't work because if something happened and I had to stay at the station, I would be scrambling to find someone to pick Mercy up. I was better off sticking with friends. Jack had said he'd be willing to help out but he worked during the day. Still, if I had to work an evening or night he might be willing to do it. I had seen him with Amy and knew he was good with little kids. I put him down on the list of people to talk to. There was also Ted and Melissa Hipkins. Ted and I had finally gotten our friendship figured out once again. I was almost positive they would be willing to help me out.

The second priority was to make plans in case I was seriously injured at work or worse what if I was killed. It was something that no police officer liked to dwell on but was something I had to make arrangements for. Gretchen had entrusted Mercy to me and now I had to figure out whom I should entrust Mercy to, if something happened to me. I wrote it down as something to think about later. That wasn't a decision I could make quickly or lightly.

I continued trying to think of things they would look at. If my parents decided to sue for custody, I was determined to be ready. Pacey was right for once in his life. I loved Mercy with all of my heart. The last thing I wanted to do was give up custody of her and it wasn't only because I had promised Gretchen to look out for her. Pacey was right. I had fallen in love with Mercy the moment I saw her. There was no way I could willingly give her up to anyone.

Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I tried to think of what I might be missing. I didn't want to overlook anything.

**Joey's POV:**

Placing the silverware next to the plate on the table, I took a step back to survey things. The table was set with two of the china settings from the china set Doug had bought us for a wedding gift. Two wine goblets from the set Gretchen had bought us sat next to each plate. I had a bottle of sparkling cider in a bucket of ice. Pacey never had been one for wine, preferring beer, and alcohol wasn't exactly something I should be drinking in my condition. Two candles sat in the middle of the table.

In the kitchen, The shrimp stir fry I had made was on the stove staying warm. The Garlic bread I had baked was sitting in the turned off oven. As long as Pacey wasn't too late, everything should be perfect.

Jen was right, I had to tell Pacey I was pregnant. Giving all the bad stuff that was happening around us, a little joy would be nice. A small, private celebration was exactly what we needed.

I heard the front door open. Slipping the apron off, I headed in that direction to meet him. Pacey looked worn out and tired as he walked through the front door. As he shut the door, I stepped forward and kissed him.

"Now that is a nice greeting to come home to," Pacey murmured as he pulled away.

"How did things go?" I asked him, deep down already knowing the answer. The way he looked told me all I needed to know.

"Not good," Pacey replied with a sigh. "My parents are insisting on having custody of Mercy. The visit ended with an argument with my father and Dad telling Doug he would be hearing from his lawyer."

"Oh, no," I said, thinking of my brother-in-law. The past year had not been easy on him. This was the last thing he needed. "Is Doug going to fight it?"

Pacey ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not sure, Joey. He'll be making a mistake if he doesn't but Doug has always put others before himself. I could see him caving in with a threat of a law suit just to keep the peace in the family." He shook his head. "I've got to keep him from doing that. The last thing I want to see is that little girl growing up in the same environment I did. The best thing that ever happened to me was moving in with Doug. Mercy will be much better off with him then growing up in the same house as Dad."

"Then you're just going to have to convince Doug to fight for her if it comes to that," I told him. Pacey just nodded thoughtfully. "I hope you don't mind, but I sort of volunteered the two of us to help out with watching Mercy when Doug's at work and stuff. I know I should have talked to you first, but she is my niece after all. Not to mention everything Doug has done for me in the past."

"It's fine, Pacey," I told him, when he finally stopped talking. I would have agreed to it anyway. Doug had always been there for us. It looked as if it was time for us to start returning the favor. "I'll be willing to watch Mercy any time that Doug needs me to."

"I was hoping you would say that," Pacey said, with a slight sigh of relief. Pacey looked away from me and toward the kitchen. "By the way, what smells so good?"

"Shrimp stir fry," I told him. "Go have a seat at the dining room table and I'll bring it in," I told him.

"Yes, ma'am," he told me, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. As he headed through the living room to the dining room, I headed for the kitchen.

It didn't take me long to grab the stir fry and the garlic bread. With both in hand, I headed back to the dining room. Walking into the room, I saw that Pacey was lighting the candles on the table. He glanced in my direction as I entered the room.

"Well, seeing as we celebrated our first anniversary last month, I know I didn't forget about that, so I'm assuming you have this romantic dinner for two set up for some other reason," Pacey ventured.

I smiled as I walked over to him and placed the two dishes on the table. I turned and faced him. He wasn't smiling and I couldn't really blame him with everything going on. Hopefully, my news would bring a smile to his face.

"Yes, the romantic dinner is for something else. I thought we could have a dinner to celebrate the fact that we are going to become parents," I told him.

The normal light I was use to seeing in my husband's eyes started to creep back in as my words started sinking in. I hadn't seen that light since we first heard the news of Gretchen's accident. I had missed it and was happy to see it coming back.

"You're pregnant?" he finally asked, sounding as if he wasn't quite ready to believe it.

I nodded. I was ready to say something else, when Pacey suddenly put his arms around me and pulled me close. "I can't believe it! I'm going to be a father!"

"I'm glad you're happy about the news," I admitted as I hugged him back.

"Of course, I'm happy," he told me, taking a step back to hold me at arms length. "This is great news. We've been trying for awhile."

"I know, it's just that with everything going on . . ."

"This is exactly the type of news I needed," he told me, not letting me finish. "How about for a few hours, we forget about everything else going on around us and enjoy ourselves," he continued, letting me go.

Pacey pulled out the chair closest to him out. With a smile on my own face, I sat down and let him push the chair in for me. Pacey then reached for the bottle of sparkling cider in the pail of ice.

"Ah, sparkling cider. The perfect thing for the expecting mother to celebrate with," he commented as he opened the bottle. He poured the cider into my glass first and then filled his own glass before putting the bottle back in the ice.

He sat down across from me. Picking up my fork, I prepared to enjoy the dinner I had cooked for the two of us. No, the three of us, I corrected, smiling to myself. It wasn't ever going to be just Pacey and I again. If all went well, in about eight months we would be welcoming a new member into the Witter family.

**Doug's POV:**

I pulled my patrol vehicle to a stop behind Ted's police cruiser. Putting the car in a park, I removed the key and got out of the car. Shutting the front door, I opened the back door. Unbuckling Mercy from her car seat, I cradled her in one arm and grabbed the diaper bag off the floor. Throwing the bag over one shoulder, I closed the door and walked toward the house.

I rang the doorbell, and waited for someone to answer. It didn't take long for Melissa to show up.

"Doug. Good morning, come on in. Ted's just about ready to leave." I nodded, knowing he would be. Ted had been filling in for me at the station. "From the looks of things, you're planning on heading in yourself."

"That's the plan, assuming of course you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on Mercy for me."

"Not a problem," Melissa said reaching out for my niece. I handed her over, a little reluctantly. It wasn't that I didn't trust my friend's wife. She had a little boy, Jared, of her own. Jared was eight months old now so, I knew Mercy would be safe enough with her. I just wasn't ready to let the little girl out of my sight for a long period of time. I imagined a lot of new parents felt the same way.

"Doug, hi!" Ted said surprised, as he came into the foyer. "I thought you weren't coming back to work until next week?"

I shrugged. "I can't do it. I need to get back to some kind of routine. Staying at home will only make me dwell on things. Getting things back to normal is what I need right now."

Ted nodding. "Well, it'll be good to have you back at the station," my friend told me, resting a hand on my shoulder. "It's not the same without you."

"I just hope you haven't let the guys get away with too much," I joked.

"Who, me?"

"Well, you two need to quit joking around and get going before you're both late. That isn't the example that either of you should be setting for the others," Melissa said, Mercy still cradled in her arms.

"Yes, ma'am," Ted said, leaning in to give his wife a kiss.

Just then crying could be heard coming from upstairs. "Looks like that's my cue," Melissa said.

"Are you sure Mercy won't be too much for you?"

"Relax, Doug, and get to work. Besides this will give me practice for what lies ahead," she said, even as she headed upstairs. "You two be careful out there."

"Bye, honey," Ted called up after her, before turning to me. "Are you ready?"

I only half heard him as I was still dwelling on what Melissa had said. "Practice for what lies ahead. Does that mean . . ." I let my voice trail off, not sure exactly how to finish that question.

A smile lit up his face. "Melissa's pregnant again. She just told me a couple of days ago. After all the time we kept trying with Jared, this one coming so soon after he was born came as a bit of a surprise but we couldn't be happier," Ted told me. His smile faded a bit as did the tone of his voice. "I was planning on telling you when you came back to work," he told me.

I held up my hand. "It's okay. The last few days haven't exactly been uneventful."

I knew where Ted's comment was coming from. Melissa had been well into her pregnancy with Jared before I had found out about it because Ted and I had been at a rough spot in our friendship. My coming out had put strain on our relationship, and though we hadn't had any fights or anything we also hadn't been talking too much to one another outside of work related issues. The renewed friendship with Ted was one of the positive things that had come out of the attack last year.

"Congratulations," I told him. I glanced down at my watch. "We really should get going," I said, glancing up the steps again.

"Then let's go," Ted said, stepping over to the front door and opening it. "By the way," he said, as he followed me outside. "It gets easier as time goes by."

"What gets easier?"

"Leaving them to go to work or to go out at night. It was difficult to leave the house my first day back to work after Jared came home."

"Yeah, I remember. You were a half hour late."

"Guilty as charged," Ted admitted as we headed to our vehicles.


End file.
